Was in the bath the other night
Watching tactical reconstructions
Of the Gulf War
On YouTube
Best TV since 9/11
So red and so smooth
We absolutely NAILED them
I mean we were
Literally under the radar
101st-fucking Airborne
Doing more of that mad
bunker-storming shit
Except this time they had
Night vision
Cluster bombs
and lasers
While the Iraqis had sand
Some clapped out MIGS
And rusty Russian T34s
That once fought the Germans
On the Eastern front
They didn’t have the range
Literally sitting ducks
Quack
Quack
*BOOM*
Still some of the poor fuckers
Fought
And still they died
In twisted burnt-out hulls
Buried alive
By the Blighty boys
It was controversial
Apparently
Made The Guardian
Probably
Yet it was over before it started
They didn’t even need to use my old man
But he’d have gotten it done
No doubt
He always does
Weird then how I don’t
Can’t
Won’t
*
Anyway
I was in the bath
Hot and sweaty
Like I had a tough call to make
Beads nesting
In ever emerging
Fatty folds
Realised there was a Spurs game on
Saw it was 1–1
Sounded like WE were having the better of it
Much like vs. Saddam
But there was LIVE footage
Guaranteed timings
Guaranteed results
And Harry Kane
Fucking LEGEND
So much opinion
So much action
Just breathe
Breathe it all in
The blunted danger
30 seconds passes
A roar like a Tomahawk
And Leicester are up 2–1
Against the run of play
Against XG
Against literally everything
Fucking LEICESTER
Plucky Leicester
The peoples’ champions
Brexit, Bojo and bile
I sank back into the water
Blamed myself
For playing Madison on
Decided to save myself
The ignominy
Of the final whistle
To manage the disappointment
That crushing
Yet trivial knell
That we use
That we borrow
For a kind of meaning
A kind of numbing
Well hashtag Thatagedwell
You fucking dumb cunt
There’s always a last bastion
Of bleeding
Grinding
Hope
A shred of still multiplying life
In time
Added on
For stoppages
Tick tock
Tick tock
*BOOM*
He’s only gone and done it
The smallest of miracles
A kind of theft
Shock and awe
And absolute SCENES
*
When the simplest
Greatest
And unlikeliest victories
Are yours to behold
A primer for possibilities
But you quit
Because those 90 seconds you get back
Might make all the difference.
